Expectations & Realities

My wife and I went to New York City.  I had never been before.  I went strictly as a tourist.  No work.  No responsibilities.  Just fun.  Okay… I worked a little bit.  I’m a small business owner, and when I go on vacation I’m not paid.  So, when clients and potential clients called while I was out of town, I answered.  But work just accounted for about 4 hours during the four days I was in NYC, so this was fun time in the Big Apple.

I went there with pre-conceived notions of what New York City and New Yorkers are like.  Most of these notions were fed by popular culture and my own limited contact with New Yorkers themselves.  The big expectations I had going to NYC were the following:

• New Yorkers are brusque, bordering on rude.
• New York is dirty.
• New York is crowded.

I’m a big believer in trying to set aside my pre-conceived notions and expectations and let reality reveal to me the truth of the situation.  I have a relationship with God.  I try to rely on God and surrender to his will in all of my affairs.  One of my favorite prayers that I use to surrender to God is called the “set aside” prayer:

 Lord, help me set aside everything I think I know so that I may have a new experience with you.

It is short and simple, but it puts me in the right frame of mind to be open and welcoming to whatever may come my way.

The Trip

We stayed in a nice hotel in Times Square.  Our window faced Broadway and large extremely bright electronic signs.  But the hotel had thick black-out curtains and the lights never bothered us while we slept.  To the contrary, the lights and activity of Times Square were exciting and thrilling to look at.  Here is a summary of what we did while in NYC:

• We attended a Broadway show.
• We went Ice skating at Rockefeller Center.
• We ate lunch at Serendipity 3 (It was featured in one of my wife’s favorite movies).
• We took 2 long walks through Central Park.
• We went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art.
• We toured the 9/11 Memorial & Museum.
• We took a boat tour of the Statue of Liberty.
• We went to the Empire State Building Observation Deck.
• We went shopping at Bloomingdales.
• We ate pizza and gelato in Little Italy.
• We enjoyed lunch at a Delicatessen.

The People

The New Yorkers we met weren’t rude.  They were far from it.  They were warm and welcoming.  You expect warm and welcoming from the people who work at the tourist spots – and our expectations were happily met.

We did not encounter any ostentatious maître d’s or rude waiters.  They all were accommodating and helpful.  We even had one waitress who noticed I didn’t eat all the lobster risotto I ordered.  She asked if anything was wrong with the dish. I told her it was fine, but I just didn’t care for the taste.  I didn’t ask for a refund, and I didn’t expect one.  The waitress, on her own, got her manager to take off the meal.  I protested, but she insisted.  That is good people.

We met New Yorkers who approached us and struck up conversations:

• The Broadway actor who gave us directions to a restaurant,
• The older widow we met waiting for a table who told us about her life in NYC,
• The young woman who helped us navigate the subway early in our trip,
• The restaurant worker we met on the sidewalk who told us where to get a slice of pizza from in Little Italy.

We didn’t reach out to these people for help, they approached us and offered their time and knowledge.

We didn’t see a cop on every block; in fact, police presence was a rarity.  Despite that, people behaved themselves.  We all willingly gave way on crowded streets and made room on jam-packed subway cars.  There was a feeling that we were all here at this time and at this spot – and cooperation and respect were the only way for us to co-exist together.

The City

New York is not dirty.  We hardly saw any litter on the streets.  It seems most people realize this is their town, and they don’t want to trash it up.  Don’t get me wrong it isn’t pristine, but in a city of 8 million people, I expected litter and piles of trash – nada.

One morning I was waiting outside a shop while my wife was inside.  I watched a sanitation worker use a push broom to eliminate rain puddles that had formed the previous night.  He was getting rid of puddles – I’ve never seen such a thing where I live.

New York is crowded, filled with hustle bustle and it is loud; but not all of it.  Times Square is just crazy.  People everywhere, and people trying to make a buck from the crowds.  There were street performers, ticket hawkers, and tourist ride promoters; all jostling for limited space along with the crowds of people.  The streets around Times Square were never empty – not at Midnight, 3 AM, 5 AM, 8 AM or noon; probably thanks to us tourists.

But the rest of Manhattan was not bad.  We never felt overwhelmed with people or long lines.  I loved Central Park – who wouldn’t.  A piece of peace in the middle of hustle & bustle.  I also loved Fulton Street near the southside seaport.  We were there around 10 in the morning on a Saturday.  It felt as if we were there with just the locals.  It had a serene vibe – relaxing and cool.

The Point

Why am I writing about NYC?  Because I went there expecting New Yorkers and their city to be the way I let popular culture portray them.  However, once I got there, I let God take control and not let my expectations color the experiences that the trip gave me.  The result – a great trip and plans to go to New York again.

Not only can our expectations give us a pre-conceived notion that leads us to a negative view before we live the experience; but way too often expectations can give us a false sense of security.

• They make the small business owner think that their employee of 10 or 15 years would never steal from them – until they do.
• They make the criminal defendant think that the justice system will never let them down – until it does.
• They lure a spouse into believing they are in a happy contented marriage – until they are served with divorce papers.

I’m a Private Investigator, and expectations based on my own worldview can limit the job I do as a PI.  Many clients hire me because they believe in their hearts that someone hurt them, stole from them or betrayed them.  I can’t and don’t fall into the trap of pre-conceived ideas and expected results.

There are many PI’s who jump on the client’s bandwagon and try to ride it to where the client wants it to go.  I don’t do that.  If you hire me, I’ll pull the wagon, guided by facts and lead you to the truth.

Sometimes the truth is what the client expected and wanted.  Sometimes it isn’t.  My job is not to give you what you want and expect.  It is to give you what you need – reality and the truth.